Postpartum recovery is a concept most people can grasp: One person stretched to contain another whole person as they grew from virtually nothing into many pounds of tangible somethingness, using material from the grown person's human tissue to make new, sweet, delightful, human tissue. Then, a portal was created for the new person to exit. A whole lot of energy was used to make that exit possible and to return the birthing body to its most basic, essential state of homeostasis. It makes sense that all of that output would require a period of recovery and protection.

The postpartum time is a time of recovery and what happens in that time is more than recovery.

To recover is to bring something back, to return to a previous state. Of course it’s true that through rest, nourishment and time we recover the strength we need to carry our bodies through activities that weren’t possible in pregnancy and the first weeks postpartum.

If we bring the whole person into view, postpartum changes are for bringing forth, not back. Postpartum is a developmental stage, an opportunity for transformation and personal evolution. As we step into parenting, co-creating the future with and for its stewards and heirs, it is necessary to become a next version of ourselves.

Our physiology makes the growth inevitable. Our response to the transformation is a place of agency and choice. How do we react to the feelings those changes stir in us? How do we think of ourselves or our loved ones through the process of change?

If we only think of muscles, tendons, ligaments, we may clearly see a desire to go back: to the familiar, to the capabilities and capacities that we identify with. What we can do and like to do is a big part of how we experience our identity and project it into relationship with others.

The transformative potential of the postpartum time is in growth of particular areas of our brains, supported by hormones and other brain chemicals.

After pregnancy, we get new grey matter in regions of the brain associated with parental behavior. Grey matter is basically raw material for new ways of thinking and being in the world.

Opportunities for new grey matter come when we need to meet life with new capacity, when big changes are afoot: childhood, adolescence, during and after pregnancy. (Doesn’t that alone speak volumes?!)

After birth, new grey matter shows up in the reward and motivation circuit, the emotional regulation circuit, and social information circuit. Each of these is supportive to parenting and personal transformation.

New grey matter in our reward and motivation circuit changes what animates us, what gets us out of bed and focused on the tasks that lead us toward our goals. Change in this area can feel as if the foundation of our identity is shifting, a scary prospect and a deeply uncomfortable experience for many.

New growth in our emotional regulation circuit may change our temperament, what we react to and how, which is also related to our identity and how we and others know us to be.

When our social information circuit is enhanced, we’re likely to be more sensitive to information about other humans. We may find ourselves more perceptive to the emotions and needs of others. We may also tap these enhanced perceptive abilities to better understand our own needs and emotions.

It’s important to know that zipping through our days on our myelinated superhighways of automatic thinking and doing is way more comfortable than using the new neurons that create new capacity. Change is uncomfortable because our brains make it so. Our brains prefer that which is known.

The postpartum brain is not a comfortable place to be. But the uncomfortable growth process does have an important purpose and the discomfort of change doesn’t last forever, though its affects do.

Knowing this as a birth parent relieves and prevents suffering by orienting our view of ourselves toward growth and new natural abilities.

Understanding this as a partner or other member of the postpartum support team, including the community at large, helps us see changes in a postpartum person with wonder and appreciation and allows us to hold space for the emergence of new traits and strengths.

It is in the interest of everyone on the planet for changes in a postpartum parent to be embraced and nurtured. We evolve individually and collectively when we let nature lead us toward thriving.

Normalizing postpartum as a time of moody, forgetful, tired, anxious neediness is harmful. It is so much more than that, but how would we know? Can we change the narrative one conversation, one gesture, one comment, one image at a time? I truly think we can.