What if we crowded out the prevailing narrative of new parenthood as all sleep deprivation and epic sacrifice with a new (and timeless) narrative of parenthood as personal evolution and growth?

What if the collective energy we spend warning expectant parents about what’s to come was instead spent helping them prepare for and optimize the experience of stepping outside culturally created expectations of continuous sleep and consumable product generation?

We can explore other realities and evaluate our priorities when we step out of a previously accepted way of life (as we are learning by navigating a global pandemic). Early parenthood requires us to be flexible with our expectations of ourselves and others, forcing us to relinquish some control and cultivate creativity and authentic responsiveness. We can give ourselves and each other grace while protecting and nurturing new life. (Grace at a minimum; ideally we would exalt the work of caretaking!) Taking responsibility for a young heart-mind-body-spirit around the clock brings us face to face with our deepest values. It can feel like being broken down, but I believe the process is also making space for a stronger and more authentic person to emerge. If parents were anticipating transformation and epic changes in their relationship to work, other priorities, other people, and themselves, society would have to accommodate the expectations and demands of parents instead of the other way around. It could be seismic and beautiful.

Of course it would help if paid leave was sufficient and universal and the messages we got about parenting reflected the deep work of it.

Beyond paid leave from the workplace, what if we were monetarily rewarded for our generous contribution to society?

There’s structural work to do, for sure. But small shifts in attitude also count and have power as they accumulate. We need change from all directions. Inside ourselves is a good place to start.