I think “help” is not the best word we have for what we offer a postpartum family in the form of meals, errands, chores, etc. I was calling it help, but that word was bugging me and I realized why.

When we help someone, the original objective is theirs and the ultimate benefit is theirs. You might help me think through a problem or I could help you move. We would be lending our mental or physical power to each other’s projects.

The benefits of having babies and children among us does not lie solely within the parents’ arena. Far from it! What if we considered the meals we deliver and the tasks we relieve new parents of contributions to the labor and resource intensive act of raising children, not to be repaid, but already in process of being paid forward? We all reap the rewards of having the freshest humans cared for by nourished and resourced adults.

I think families on the receiving end of postpartum support will benefit most from this reframe. Those who tend to the needs of a postpartum family generally know they’re offering community care for a shared long term goal. The load of caring for our young is not meant to be carried by one or two adults. Calling our contributions “help” doesn’t make that clear and might have a weary new family resisting the gifts of their community.

We need and want new people, for what they will create and for what they mean to us. Those who protect and nurture new members of our families and communities receive appropriate care and offerings of gratitude, not help.